To be Continued...

Picture courtesy Anthony Sisson via The Dragon Den.

Sometimes, life makes you wait.

The Mistress of Red Ink Pens has been ill, but will return in a day or two, ink pens filled to the max, and ready to rage.

Mistress of the Red Ink Pens

"Luke, I am your fa..." What? Oh, sorry. Wrong blog.

Mistress of the Red Ink Pens is the daughter of a Marine. Hence, the insignia--and it has red.

This session is going to be very bumpy, so buckle your seat belts.

I have been assigned 'newbie' authors from the beginning of my editing career. My initial course of action was to cross t's and dot i's, but not make too many waves. Safe -- too safe.

Big publishing company editors are a completely different breed than myself. Many of them are aiming to simply plump the bottom line of the publisher's ledger and, at the same time, their own portfolios and checking accounts. A good example is a recently released book that has gone to the top of the charts and been made into a movie. Readers I know have commented the writing was so awful they wondered if the book had been edited at all. Didn't stop them from reading or buying the book, but how much better would it have been with careful editing?

 

Now--the tough part. When I am assigned as your editor, all forms of democracy cease to exist. I won't work with your Aunt Tilly or Uncle Bob, your best friend, next door neighbor, the guy on the bus who's got a 'sure fire' way to sell your book or anyone else. This work is between you and me.

I promise to help YOU smooth over the bumps in the manuscript.

I'll point out inconsistencies in your characters and mistakes in spelling.

I'll question facts you're trying to pass off as truth if I don't have direct knowledge of them myself.

I'll HIGHLY suggest you eliminate overused phrases and, with my teeth clenched so hard they squeak, make the point you've described the event perfectly without using a 'like' phrase.

I'll suggest you try not to include every single detail of a movement performed by the character to avoid grocery lists of three or more actions. And, believe it or not, there is a valid reason for all this -- torture.

My ruthless nit-picking is to resolve these items before the book hits the streets. The cost to reprint a novel is horrendous. Seldom, if ever, is a book reprinted. Editing should have caught the oopses.  Behind all the sweet smiles of your friends and family, lie literary tigers ready to pounce on any errors that slip through the system.

If you and I are working together without a publisher, then we can plan to prevent the problems prior to their arrival.

I'm still the boss. With two of us focusing on one end goal, we'll get there faster, and in the fashion we want. If you try to bring your village, the results will remind you of Congress and the Health Plan.

You are free to ask for another editor, or walk away. If you dare...

Mistress of the Red Ink Pens

Edit my email or blog? Have you lost your mind?

There have been whispers...

Let's get to the meat of the issue. You have just announced to the world that you are a -- ta da!--WRITER. After all the oohing and aahing subsides, you bask in the glow of expected glory tinged with a bit of envy [oh, that's the green hue]. What you have just done, in effect, is shot yourself in the foot.

Being a "writer" means you know how to do all that English stuff, right?

With your announcement, you put your language abilities in the line of fire. You'll be expected to spew forth pearls of wisdom perfectly written and properly punctuated. Oh, poop. Didn't think of that. Every notation, refrigerator reminder, sticky note to your boss, all communication you make will come under intense scrutiny. The days of dashing off quick, poorly written, emails to your friends have ended.

Before you initiate the send button on your email account, edit what you have said. Is it properly punctuated? Is it an actual letter, or a line of hieroglyphics only understood by three people in your friends group? In a blog, have you taken the time to check your spelling?

It has become commonplace for employers, agents, publishing houses, and everybody's grandmother to use the email for communicating. Employers, agents and those in the business end of the world, judge the sender, first, by the prose of the text, second, by the proper use of the English in the text, and, third but not last, by the punctuation. Diplomas and degrees don't necessarily guarantee a job.

Your grandmother--well, she's just your grandmother.

If you can't write a readable, intelligent email, how are people expected to think you will write a novel worth reading?

Edit your emails.

Mistress of the Red Ink Pens

Why?

Why? Why would anyone give a rat's behind about editing or writing issues?

To use a phrase my parents wore out... because I said so. {eye roll, here}

Because... if we stop giving a rat's behind about simple issues such as punctuation, using the right form of a verb, and so on, we'll be forced back to a time when communication was grunting a certain length and volume. Oh, wait a minute. That form of communication still exists--in recliners and on bar stools.

The enlightened age of electronics has tried to eliminate communication requiring any thinking beyond initials, hashtags, and 120 characters. That's a lazy person's way to elude responsibility for what you're about to put into cyberspace.

I'll age myself here and admit I grew up with 'party line' phone service--no, not the one where you call and have phone sex with multiple unknown people from multiple locations, but--picking up the phone, as quietly as possible, so you won't interrupt another person's on-going conversation.

You know, sharing phone service with four to five other people on your block? No? It was literally one step above having an operator put your call through. It required the caller to think about what they said or understand their business would soon be everybody's business.

In days of yore, knowledge was protected as ferociously as gold. Reading was considered attainable only by the wealthy and upper level churchmen, i.e., priests, cardinals and the like. These days, the internet has provided a wealth of information, and disinformation, to anyone able to decipher the letters on the screen. It has also done a fantastic job of dumbing down the public. Want to say something outrageous but can't spell it? Make it into initials, OMG!, and stick a bunch of punctuation behind it because, who knows what it means anyway, and who cares?

I believe writers, and I am one myself, have a duty to know what they are writing, and how to communicate that information in a form every person will understand. Of course, it's a chore. If it wasn't, there wouldn't be master classes at prestigious colleges around the world offering degrees.

Don't lose readers from your poor English skills. Honestly, I've heard people make the comment that they started reading a book, but the 'writing' was so bad, they put it down and walked away. Remember, the big book stores are constantly offering 'free' downloads of books, so you can't count on the old adage, "well, they bought the book anyway." Not necessarily. 

You may find errors in my ravings; probably so. My 95-year-old aunt commented once, she would stop learning on the day she died. Point well taken. I have shelves of reference books on writing and punctuation, and I still feel uncertain on many occasions.

If you are following this blog, you have been officially warned. I felt it only fair to let you know... you have stepped into the dungeon of the Mistress of the Red Ink Pens. There is no mercy for bad English here... and I don't mean the rock and roll band.

Mistress Red Pen

Bleeding Red Ink

She looks harmless enough, right? She thought so, too. At this point, the Mistress of the Red Ink Pen was trying to juggle college, work full time, and be young without being stupid. The Red Ink Pens had yet to be a force in her life. I was still struggling with the idea of just who I wanted to be, and not finding any answers that brought great satisfaction.

Fast forward mfph-mfph years, and my love of language kicked in with a vengeance. I started editing in small ways; a company newsletter, friends' resumes, and a few short stories. The beast would soon define me, and allow me to focus on using my brain, instead of looks that faded with time.

I have edited with four publishing houses, and am currently editing, and copy-editing, for two of those houses. I find the horrendous lack of education about the language we all speak appalling.

Thus, I will be ranting as the mood, and red ink, strikes.

Mistress of the Red Ink Pen