"Luke, I am your fa..." What? Oh, sorry. Wrong blog.

Mistress of the Red Ink Pens is the daughter of a Marine. Hence, the insignia--and it has red.

This session is going to be very bumpy, so buckle your seat belts.

I have been assigned 'newbie' authors from the beginning of my editing career. My initial course of action was to cross t's and dot i's, but not make too many waves. Safe -- too safe.

Big publishing company editors are a completely different breed than myself. Many of them are aiming to simply plump the bottom line of the publisher's ledger and, at the same time, their own portfolios and checking accounts. A good example is a recently released book that has gone to the top of the charts and been made into a movie. Readers I know have commented the writing was so awful they wondered if the book had been edited at all. Didn't stop them from reading or buying the book, but how much better would it have been with careful editing?

 

Now--the tough part. When I am assigned as your editor, all forms of democracy cease to exist. I won't work with your Aunt Tilly or Uncle Bob, your best friend, next door neighbor, the guy on the bus who's got a 'sure fire' way to sell your book or anyone else. This work is between you and me.

I promise to help YOU smooth over the bumps in the manuscript.

I'll point out inconsistencies in your characters and mistakes in spelling.

I'll question facts you're trying to pass off as truth if I don't have direct knowledge of them myself.

I'll HIGHLY suggest you eliminate overused phrases and, with my teeth clenched so hard they squeak, make the point you've described the event perfectly without using a 'like' phrase.

I'll suggest you try not to include every single detail of a movement performed by the character to avoid grocery lists of three or more actions. And, believe it or not, there is a valid reason for all this -- torture.

My ruthless nit-picking is to resolve these items before the book hits the streets. The cost to reprint a novel is horrendous. Seldom, if ever, is a book reprinted. Editing should have caught the oopses.  Behind all the sweet smiles of your friends and family, lie literary tigers ready to pounce on any errors that slip through the system.

If you and I are working together without a publisher, then we can plan to prevent the problems prior to their arrival.

I'm still the boss. With two of us focusing on one end goal, we'll get there faster, and in the fashion we want. If you try to bring your village, the results will remind you of Congress and the Health Plan.

You are free to ask for another editor, or walk away. If you dare...

Mistress of the Red Ink Pens